What 8th Graders Wish Their Parents Knew About Math (5 Years Ago)

Last month, we asked 8th graders a simple question:

"What do you wish your parents had known about math when you were younger?"

The answers were stunning. Not because they were surprising—but because they were so consistent. And so painful.

These aren't failing students. They're kids who are "doing fine." Kids getting B's and C's. Kids who will probably survive high school math.

But they have clarity now that their parents didn't have five years ago.

Their hindsight could be your foresight.

"I Wish They Knew I Was Pretending to Understand"

— Maya, 8th grade

"In 4th grade, I stopped really understanding math. But I could still do the homework if I looked at the examples. I could still pass tests if I studied the night before. So I didn't say anything. And neither did anyone else.

I wish my parents had known that getting answers right doesn't mean you understand. I got so many answers right without knowing why. And now in pre-algebra, the 'why' matters, and I don't have it.

I wish they'd asked me to explain things, not just show them my grade."

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What Maya is telling you: Your child might be surviving without understanding. The skills to "get by" in elementary school—copying examples, memorizing steps, studying the night before—don't work in high school math. But by the time they fail, years of real learning have been missed.

What to do differently: Regularly ask your child to explain their math, not just show you their work. "Teach me how you did that" reveals understanding in a way grades never can.

"I Wish They'd Known That B's Were a Warning Sign"

— Jordan, 8th grade

"My parents were always fine with my B's. 'B's are good!' they said. And maybe they are. But my B's in 5th and 6th grade meant I was struggling. Kids who really got it were getting A's without trying that hard.

My B required hours of homework. My B meant my mom basically did my math with me every night. My B was a sign something was wrong, but because it was a B, nobody treated it that way.

Now I'm getting C's in pre-algebra and everyone's worried. But this started a long time ago."

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What Jordan is telling you: A B achieved through struggle is very different from a B achieved with ease. If your child is working significantly harder than peers for similar grades, that effort is a signal, not a success story.

What to do differently: Look at the effort behind the grade, not just the grade itself. A child who needs 2 hours for homework that "should" take 30 minutes is showing you something important.

"I Wish They'd Known How Much I Hated Math—and Why"

— Aiden, 8th grade

"I started saying 'I hate math' in 3rd grade. My parents thought it was just complaining. Or that all kids say that. They'd say 'math is important' and that was it.

But I hated math because I didn't understand it. Every day in class I felt stupid. Every homework was a reminder that everyone else got it and I didn't. I wasn't just being dramatic. I was drowning.

I wish they'd treated 'I hate math' as a symptom, not an attitude problem. Because it was."

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What Aiden is telling you: When children say they hate math, they're rarely just being difficult. Hate usually follows confusion and shame. By the time a child says they hate something, they've often been struggling silently for a while.

What to do differently: Treat "I hate math" as information, not defiance. Ask curious questions: "What part of math feels hardest? When did you start feeling this way? What would make it better?"

"I Wish They'd Known That Calculators Weren't Helping"

— Sofia, 8th grade

"When I didn't know my times tables in 4th grade, my parents let me use a calculator. 'It's fine, calculators exist for a reason.' But it wasn't fine.

Every time I used a calculator for basic stuff, I wasn't building the fluency everyone else had. Now in pre-algebra, I'm so slow because I'm still calculating things other kids just know. My brain is always working harder than theirs.

The calculator didn't help me. It let me avoid the hard work I actually needed to do."

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What Sofia is telling you: Early calculator use for basic operations isn't accommodation—it's avoidance. Children need automatic fluency with basic math facts. Without it, every higher math concept requires more cognitive effort, leaving less mental energy for actual learning.

What to do differently: Ensure basic math facts become automatic before allowing calculator dependence. This isn't about making math hard—it's about building the foundation that makes later math easier.

"I Wish They'd Known That 'Getting It Eventually' Wasn't a Plan"

— Marcus, 8th grade

"Every year when I struggled, my parents said I'd 'get it eventually.' Like math would just click one day. They meant well—they were trying not to stress me out.

But 'eventually' never came. I'm in 8th grade and still waiting for fractions to make sense. Still confused by negative numbers. Still feel lost in class.

I wish they'd known that waiting for it to click isn't a strategy. I needed help. Actual help. Not just patience."

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What Marcus is telling you: "They'll get it eventually" is not an intervention strategy. Math builds on itself. Concepts that don't solidify in one year become obstacles in the next. Waiting for understanding to magically appear means watching gaps compound.

What to do differently: If your child is struggling with a concept, address it now. Get specific about what's confusing. Find different explanations. Get help if needed. Don't let "eventually" become "never."

"I Wish They'd Known It Wasn't About Being Smart"

— Lily, 8th grade

"My parents always said I was smart. And I believed them. So when math got hard, I thought something was wrong with me. Smart kids don't struggle. Smart kids get it the first time.

I wish they'd told me that struggling in math doesn't mean you're not smart. It means you're learning something hard. Because I spent years feeling like a fraud—'smart' but secretly bad at math.

Now I know that even smart kids have to work at math. I wish I'd known that when I was 8, not 13."

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What Lily is telling you: Praising children for being "smart" can backfire when they hit challenges. They start to see struggle as evidence they're not actually smart, rather than a normal part of learning. This fixed mindset makes them avoid challenges and hide confusion.

What to do differently: Praise effort and strategy, not intelligence. "You worked hard on that" is more helpful than "You're so smart." Normalize struggle as part of learning, not a sign of inadequacy.

"I Wish They'd Actually Looked at My Work"

— Ethan, 8th grade

"My parents signed my homework. Every night. 'Homework done? Good.' Sign.

They never actually looked at it. They didn't see that I was getting half the problems wrong. They didn't see my erasure marks where I tried and gave up. They didn't see the problems I skipped entirely.

I wish they'd looked. Really looked. Not to grade me—just to see how I was actually doing. Because the teacher had 30 other kids. Nobody was really seeing my work until it was too late."

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What Ethan is telling you: Checking that homework is "done" isn't the same as understanding how your child is actually doing. Homework is a window into their thinking—but only if someone is looking through it.

What to do differently: Periodically (not every night, but regularly) actually look at your child's math work. Not to grade them—to understand. Look for patterns of confusion, types of mistakes, signs of struggle or avoidance.

"I Wish They'd Known That Summer Mattered"

— Brianna, 8th grade

"Every summer, my parents let me take a 'break' from math. 'You work hard all year, you deserve to rest.'

But I forgot everything. Every fall, the first month was catching up on what I'd lost over summer. And I wasn't even good at it before summer.

I wish they'd known that a little math over summer—not a lot, just a little—would have helped so much. The kids who stayed sharp all year are so far ahead of me now."

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What Brianna is telling you: Summer math loss is real, and it disproportionately affects struggling students. A child who's shaky on skills in May will have lost even more by September. This compounds year after year.

What to do differently: Keep some math happening over summer. Not intensive tutoring (unless needed)—just enough practice to prevent backsliding. 15-20 minutes a few times a week can preserve an entire year of progress.

What All These Students Are Really Saying

Read these quotes again. Notice the pattern.

Every single one of them is saying some version of:

"I was struggling, but nobody saw it. And by the time they saw it, a lot of time had been lost."

These aren't bad students. They aren't students with learning disabilities (though some might be). They're regular kids who fell into regular gaps that regular parents missed because the signs weren't obvious.

Until they were.

Your Child Might Be Thinking This Right Now

If your child is in grades 3-7, they might be having thoughts like these—but not saying them.

They might be:

• Pretending to understand to avoid looking stupid
• Getting by on memorization without real comprehension
• Comparing themselves negatively to peers
• Feeling shame about math that they're hiding from you
• Waiting for help that isn't coming

You can't read their mind. But you can ask different questions. You can look closer. You can catch what these 8th graders wish someone had caught for them.

One Question to Ask Tonight

"If you could go back and change one thing about how we've handled math together, what would it be?"

Ask this without judgment. Listen without defending. Your child might have wisdom about their own experience that surprises you.

And if they say "nothing"—that's okay too.

But now you know what to look for.

Now you know what other kids wish their parents had known.

What you do with that knowledge is up to you.