How to Help with Math Homework Without Doing It for Them

It's 7 PM. Your child is stuck on problem #14. The answer is obvious to you. What do you do?

If you're like most parents, you're tempted to just... explain it. Show them the way. Maybe even write the first step to "get them started."

But here's the thing: the struggle IS the learning. When we rescue our children from productive struggle, we rob them of the chance to develop problem-solving skills they'll need forever.

Why Doing Less Helps More

The Research is Clear

Studies consistently show that children learn better when they:

• Work through challenges themselves
• Make and correct their own mistakes
• Develop their own problem-solving strategies

When parents provide too much help, children:

• Become dependent on external support
• Develop less confidence in their abilities
• Learn that struggling means something is wrong

The Homework Trap

Many parents fall into a pattern:

1. Child struggles → Parent helps → Homework gets done
2. Pattern repeats → Child expects help → Parent becomes essential
3. In class (without parent) → Child can't do problems independently

The completed homework looks successful, but no real learning happened.

The Art of Helpful Helping

Ask, Don't Tell

Replace explanations with questions:

Instead of...	Try...
"You need to multiply first"	"What operation do you think comes first?"
"That's wrong"	"Can you walk me through your thinking?"
"The answer is 42"	"How can you check if your answer makes sense?"
"Here's how you do it"	"What do you already know about this type of problem?"

The Question Ladder

When your child is stuck, climb the ladder slowly:

1. "What do you understand about this problem?"
   Start by activating what they know.

2. "What's the problem asking you to find?"
   Clarify the goal.

3. "What information does the problem give you?"
   Identify the relevant facts.

4. "Have you seen a problem like this before?"
   Connect to prior knowledge.

5. "What could you try first?"
   Encourage action, even if imperfect.

Only move to more specific guidance if each step doesn't unlock progress.

Embrace the Pause

When your child asks for help, wait before responding. Count to 10 silently. Often, they'll figure it out themselves if given time—but they won't if you jump in too quickly.

What to Do When They're Stuck

Validate the Struggle

"This is a tricky one. It's okay that it feels hard."

Normalizing difficulty reduces anxiety and helps them persist.

Go Back to Basics

Often, a child is stuck because they're missing a foundational concept. Instead of pushing forward, ask: "Can you show me how to do a simpler version of this?"

Use Manipulatives

Physical objects make abstract concepts concrete:

• Coins for money problems
• Building blocks for multiplication
• Paper strips for fractions
• Drawings for word problems

Read the Problem Together

For word problems, have them read aloud and ask:

• "What's happening in this story?"
• "What are we trying to figure out?"
• "What information matters?"

Model Your Own Thinking

Sometimes it's helpful to think aloud about a DIFFERENT problem:
"If I was trying to figure out how many packages I need for 45 cookies when each package holds 8... let me see, I'd think about how many 8s fit into 45..."

This models the process without giving away their answer.

What to Do When They Get It Wrong

Don't Immediately Correct

A wrong answer is a learning opportunity. Try:

• "Interesting. Can you show me how you got that?"
• "Let's check your work together."
• "Does that answer make sense in the context of the problem?"

Focus on the Process

Sometimes the process is correct but there's a calculation error. Sometimes the calculation is right but the process is wrong. Understanding which helps you help appropriately.

Normalize Mistakes

"Mistakes are how our brains learn. What can this mistake teach us?"

When to Actually Help More

Some situations warrant more direct support:

• Genuine confusion about a new concept: If they missed a lesson or truly don't understand the foundational idea
• Excessive frustration: If tears or meltdowns are imminent, it's okay to scaffold more heavily and revisit when emotions are calmer
• Unreasonable homework load: If homework is taking far too long, help them finish and communicate with the teacher

Setting Up for Success

Create a Homework Routine

• Same time, same place every day
• Materials ready (pencils, scratch paper, etc.)
• Minimize distractions

Front-Load Your Availability

Be present at the beginning of homework time when help is most likely needed. This prevents the 9 PM crisis.

Communicate with Teachers

If your child consistently struggles with homework:

• Ask what you should (and shouldn't) help with
• Find out what methods are being taught
• Share what you're observing at home

The Long-Term Payoff

When you resist doing homework for your child, you give them something more valuable than correct answers: the confidence that comes from solving problems themselves.

A child who struggles through problem #14 tonight—really struggles, really thinks, maybe gets it wrong and tries again—is building the mental muscles they'll use for the rest of their life.

That's worth more than a perfect paper.